a bend in the road

this has been a week that will be etched in my mind forever. it all started on sunday, i was 4 days past my due date and contractions started. at first i didn't really realize they were contractions so we went to church where they continued and then out to eat afterwards. by the time we got home i finally realized what they were and we started keeping track. we went to the hospital around 12 that night and they admitted me right away. the contractions were really close together and mark kept telling me to just relax. whatever obviously he hasn't experienced contractions before :). finally the doctor with the pain medicine came in (i couldn't figure out how to spell it correctly :) ). the epidural was fabulous. i was dilated 4 cm when we came in and by around 6 i was fully dilated. they wanted to wait a little longer so that the contractions were closer together and the baby would face downward. then they lost the heartbeat. there was a bit of panic and they had me in a couple of different positions. finally they rushed me in for an emergency c section. which i must admit was really scary. the doctors took really good care of us and tried to calm us down. all the medication that they gave me combined with the hormones made me shake really bad. mark was really scared and we prayed probably the entire time. God really took care of us. when they took the baby out they found a heartbeat but she wasn't breathing on her own and she wasn't moving or responding. her eyes also weren't dilating which means her brain was probably damaged too. they finished the surgery and took us back to our room. we talked to the doctor and he gave us a very grim picture. at this point we didn't know that she had a heartbeat. after he left we prayed that God would work a miracle and He gave us an amazing peace. we asked if we could go see her and the nurses made sure that we could they even rolled my bed into the nicu and we got to see her and hold her. they even took her off the ventilator and unhooked all her tubes so that we could see her. my mom was there along with mark and our pastor and the rileys. it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, but amazingly God gave us the strength and we said bye to our baby girl. we knew deep down in our hearts that God had a specific purpose even if we couldn't see it right then.

we had the funeral yesterday. i kept telling mark that i feel too young to have to do this. we had a private viewing which actually was really nice. both families were able to see her and she looked so perfect and peaceful. we even got some more pictures of her since she was all cleaned up and in a beautiful dress. the only problem was that her shoes were just a little bit too big. ;) we had the memorial service around 2 yesterday. it was beautiful. there were so many flowers and so many of our students and athletes came. the whole time i was a little worried. i really wanted to see a slight glance of God's purpose and at the end of the service Bro. Marne (our pastor) gave a salvation invitation and at least 2 people got saved. it was so encouraging to me. i knew that annika was special, but it was so exciting to see results of her impact so soon!

and lastly i want to thank everyone for all of your prayers and support. i don't know how we would have done it without our friends, family, and especially our relationship with God. and we want Him to get all the praise and glory for everything that has happened!! God makes no mistakes!!